Relationship and spirituality

I have bad relationship with my parents and brother. It all started from year 2015. I have been subjected to continuous mental torture by my family and sometimes I faced physical torture by my brother. I don’t have any freedom in my house. I have been betrayed by all of my partners and few friends. In year August, 2017 to March, 2018 I was also blackmailed by my ex bf who mentally and physically abused me which led to depression and after this incident my relationship with my family got worse. I have been physically abused by some relatives too. In 2016 also I have been abused by one of my school teacher where my family did not support me. Due to all these problems my spiritual journey intensified. Since 2020 I have this urge to leave my family and practice spirituality but I don’t have any government job due to which I can’t leave and when I want to leave i feel caged and threatened. I also face detachment issues with my family and partners. I feel this urge to have a partner but not get married or have a family or kids because I feel it will hinder my spiritual journey. I want to know when i will get government job and I want to grow spiritually so will I be able to pursue my spiritual journey the way I want to or I will always have no freedom like from past gew years?